Mother turns grief into help for other new parents

Posted: Jun 08, 2012 4:56 PM CDT Updated: Jun 08, 2012 5:03 PM CDT

Reported by Josh DeVine - email

NASHVILLE, TN (WSMV) - The grief of losing a young child means a new mission to attack a terrible problem in Tennessee.
Perry Williams died in his crib just about 5 months into his life.
A stray blanket may have been to blame, and Friday, on the baby's first birthday, his mother - a Brentwood EMT - is intent on playing a part in a statewide solution.
Tennessee has the third-highest rate of infant mortality in the country, and that includes Katherine Williams' son, Perry.
"Today is my son's first birthday," Williams said. "You would do anything to be able to rewind the clock and go back."
Perry died in the crib in early November. In her grief, Williams developed a mission.
The SleepSack Project aims to promote the best information for new parents.
"I don't call it prevention. I call it risk reduction," Williams said. "I want parents to know that they have done everything possible."
Now, she donates her time and money with six hospitals to promote the one thing that might have made a difference for Perry.
"If I can make just one parent not have to go through what I did, because that, it's your worst nightmare. But the problem is you never wake up," Williams said.
It might just be catching on. At Baptist Hospital, for example, every new parent will get a lesson on how to use a SleepSack as a means of trying to cut that sobering statistic in Tennessee.
"And in healthcare, for someone who turns around what they do and really wants to give back is huge," said Donna Darnell, with Baptist Hospital.
Friday, nurses at four area hospitals gave new parents the SleepSacks that Williams purchased.
Each featured Perry's picture.
New mother Bethany Romkee received one after giving birth Friday morning.
"You hate to hear any parent lose a child. And that was one of our fears. We do know that children, all of us, are in God's hand, but we can take the precautions," Romkee said.
And that gives meaning to a loss for Williams and too many other moms in Tennessee.
"You don't just get better. It's something that you learn to live with. And you try to find meaning for your child's life," Williams said.
Baptist Hospital officials said they plan to implement its SleepSack program in the coming weeks. The state recently took on this issue of infant mortality, as well.
For more on the SleepSack Project and resources for new parents, visit: http://www.firstcandle.org/ or http://safesleep.tn.gov/.
And to contact Katherine Williams, email: williamsk913@yahoo.com.
Copyright WSMV 2012 (Meredith Corporation). All rights reserved.

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Perry's Obituary.

Perry's Memorial. With love from Mommy (Katherine D. Williams).

by Katherine D. Williams on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 9:03pm

In this life we often wonder if we matter. Perry’s accomplishments in his obituary were very short and read:” Perry Bryce Williams was born on June 08, 2011. He was a happy baby, and well loved.” But although he was here for a short time, he did matter.

Perry began life as an answer to many prayers. He was wanted and cherished. His Sister Emily would talk to her brother before he was born, and gave kisses to him. In his first pictures, Emily is beaming. This is in spite of the disappointment of God giving her a baby boy.

While in the womb, we began to know him. It became apparent that he was a laid back personality. He would move lazily and only startled at tornado sirens overhead. Emergency sirens and loud noises didn’t faze him. He carried this through in life. He tolerated Dad’s harmonica, while Emily would take it away and hide it.

Perry Bryce began to make his debut at the Brentwood Fire Station Headquarters. Mom was quickly escorted by police car to Vanderbilt Hospital. This was not before making many firefighters nervous, and giving Lt Collins heartburn about his blue recliner. In the minutes after his birth, his Mom and Dad held his hands and wondered at the softness of his cheek as they kissed him. He was lovingly named after his Grandfather and Great Grandfather.

Perry found wonder in sunrays and dancing dust motes. He smiled to almost everyone, but was quicker to loved family members. He marveled at the complexity of his hands and found delight in his reflection. He loved walks in the woods with Dad and Emily and would stare in fascination as the setting sun made light flicker through the leaves above.

Perry was an accomplished traveler with trips to Oklahoma and St. Louis. The latter being his first time to fly in Juliet, Uncle David’s airplane. He would settle quietly in airplanes and protest shrilly in cars.

Perry was delighted by the strange sounds of laughter that bubbled from his own mouth. He greeted his family with hiccups of happiness, and took pleasure at simple needs that we, as adults, take for granted. He was very much a little boy, and leisurely celebrated a great meal or bottle of milk with a huge belch. He hated socks and shoes, but tolerated pumpkin hats and giraffe outfits with good humor. After waking on lazy mornings, he loved snuggling in the rocker, comfortable in his Mother’s or Father’s arms. On the floor, Perry would scoot towards toys with determination and was nicknamed Mr. Wiggles for his physical prowess. He loved to be held or carried and was most content in his carrier against his mother’s chest.

He made his family happy, and caused no harm. He taught those who loved him best to appreciate the creations that may seem ordinary to most. Perry was perfect, beautiful, and happiness.

Perry Bryce will be missed not only for the promise of the good man that he would have become, but for the simplicity of the baby he was. We thank God for the blessing of knowing Perry.

As I waited in Brentwood for Kristin to arrive to take me to the hospital, I was surrounded by many of you because I did not want to be alone. Some waited with me in the locker room, and others who were the doers found chairs to roll me out in, made calls, and stole the infamous shower curtain for the car. A few of you were even in the hospital with me, waiting with me until my husband arrived, or listening for Perry’s heartbeat minutes before he was born. I hope that you will continue to be there for us as you were for the start of his life. In the following time you will not always know what to say or do and that is ok. Just being there is sometimes enough. Please do not avoid talking about him. I want to know that although he was only here for a little while, he did exist and is remembered. Please talk about your children and babies, if I am sad, that is ok, because if I am sad I still remember. Perry was a rainbow baby and I recognize the joy that you take in your children. I am not afraid of the sadness or tears. I am most afraid of forgetting him, and if God is willing, there will only be memories for a long time before we are able to hold him again.

We love you and are thankful for your extreme kindness and support. We could not make it through without you and the belief that we will see him again.

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